Sunday, August 13, 2017

Old Crank Yankers Episode: An @$$ Slapping Contest

There was a show on Comedy Central in the early 2000s called Crank Yankers. The theme was that comedians would prank-call someone, usually a local business, and the phone call would later be enacted by puppets.

In one episode, an effete, high-society gentleman named Niles calls a professional calligrapher and asks her to draft up invitations to an "ass slapping contest." Of course, the intention is to be as obnoxious as possible and make the calligrapher feel as uncomfortable as possible. That's the point of a crank call. The calligrapher declines, saying that she's "just a southern house-wife." That's her way of saying that an ass-slapping contest offends her delicate, conservative sensibilities. (Using "conservative" in an apolitical, cultural sense here.) I have a serious question.

Should we find this house-wife and prosecute her? Suppose she'd instead been asked to bake a cake for an "ass slapping contest"?

I hope you see what I'm getting at. The calligrapher's conservative sensibilities meant the project was extremely uncomfortable for her, so she declined. I think that's perfectly reasonable, and nobody should be able to compel you to serve them if they don't feel comfortable doing so. But apparently some people don't agree with me on this point. Apparently it's not sufficient to say, "Sorry, I'm not feeling it. Ask someone else to do it." Instead, you have to give a reason for declining. If the reason given doesn't pass muster, you're the fair target of a lawsuit.

I think it's possible to stake out a territory between "you have to bake a cake for a gay wedding" and "you don't have to do calligraphy for invitations to an 'ass slapping contest.'" But what's difficult is to make this kind of carve-up conform to a principle that any sane person recognizes. To do this without making it sound incredibly ad hoc requires some serious rhetorical gymnastics.

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