A man strides into the village square on a very high horse. "You there!" he says, locking eyes with a man. Everyone scurries off, except his target. The mounted man unrolls a scroll and clears his throat.
"'Sorry'?! 'Sorry' isn't good enough. What you have done makes you a terrible person forever. No amount of apologizing can ever..."
"Whoa! Wait a minute! My think wasn't a 'sorry.' My thing was a 'denouncing someone for bad behavior' kind of statement."
"Wait." He reads the scroll. "Aren't you 'John Jackson'?"
"No, I'm Jack Johnson."
"Oh, excuse me." Chuckles. "I do so many of these." Reaches into a large sack labeled "shrill denunciations." "Here we go. Ahem. 'Denunciation not thorough enough! You failed to use strong enough expletives. You failed to frame your denunciation in social justice terms and instead stated it in general, universal terms. You are hereby denounced for an insufficient denunciation!'" Puffs out chest, throws down scroll, strides off.
Some days, this is really what the internet looks like to me. Some people are so deranged with their own sense of moral outrage that they don't even know who their real friends are. I feel like I've seen this toxic behavior poison more than a few friendships.
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