Scold the Scolding Scolds

I wanted to write a post about how much I hate "piling on." Some people are adequately punished or shamed, but sometimes the internet (or some other mob) takes it way too far.

Scolding is a means of unofficially sanctioning unacceptable behavior. You either explicitly state or imply that someone has violated some social norm, then roll your eyes or scoff or somehow imply that the behavior is unacceptable. Scolding is natural enough, and it's probably necessary to some extent. The problem is that there can be way too much piling on. Maybe your misdeed goes viral, and you feel the wrath of the entire internet. You did something bad, sure, but only bad enough to earn the scorn of, say, two dozen people in your immediate social circle. Instead you get ten million people deciding that your single misdeed completely sums up your entire existence, and they collectively impose the "career death sentence" on you. Come on, guys. Maybe the impulsive statement or the ill-considered Tweet is being adequately punished. Maybe it's not the only thing in the world this person has ever done. Maybe it doesn't actually summarize the person's entire existence (though it does to you because it's all you happen to know about them). I think the proper approach to this stuff is to look the other way. If someone presents a toxic opinion, try to attack the idea and not the person expressing it. Actively avoid calling attention to the specific person, because you know that the internet is full of outrage-mongers who will pile on.

Another problem is that some things are not misdeeds at all, and changing norms have made previously unacceptable behavior normal. It's been a while, but in my adult life I've heard people make snide, disapproving comments (or perhaps innuendo) about another person's sexuality. I've also heard a crack about someone's oldest child being born before his marriage to the mother. Sexual norms have changed. Nowadays you get scolded for commenting on these things (rightly so); a generation ago you got scolded for actually doing them.

I think attitudes about drug use are also changing. If someone were to insinuate that someone else was an active pot-smoker, I think the accuser in that scenario would lose status. This is a good trend, and I'd love to see it extended to other things. If someone insinuates that an ex-con can't be trusted because of their ex-con status (in and of itself), I think the scold should be scolded. An independent reason for distrusting the person is fine, but piling on on someone who has been adequately punished and served his time is not. The piling-on for convicted "sex-offenders" is also pretty atrocious. Is this person not being humiliated enough? Don't you think other people are doing this job adequately? Didn't the criminal justice system destroy the person's life enough? Glancing sideways and gossiping about someone because they are on a sex offender registry strikes me as gratuitous. Jacob Sullum has written at length about the excessive punishment of sex offenders. The rationale often given for their humiliating post-conviction monitoring is their supposedly high recidivism rate, which is a myth.

I am reminded of a scenario that plays out at my house a few times a week. I will punish my four-year-old son for something bad he did. I'll lecture/scold him, and my six-year-old will jump in and repeat my admonishment to the four-year-old. I have to remind my six-year-old that he is not the parent and that the punishment has already been handled. The feeling of moral superiority can be irresistible, especially to someone with low levels of maturity and poor impulse control. I have to teach my children to actively resist this feeling and recognize when enough punishment has been doled out.

(I don't know how to apply this lesson to "the internet" without it becoming an infinite regress. "Hey, yeah! The new etiquette is that we don't scold logical fallacies. You just calmly point them out and move on. So stop doing it, you fucking jerk!" "Hey, do you even realize that you just..."

Maybe silence is best.)

Sometimes we have to adjust our scolding norms to scold the scolders. Prudes and internet vigilantes can take things way too far. Sometimes we need to tell them, "No, no. That's already been handled. Your piling on doesn't make you virtuous or brave." The object of your scorn might be a legitimately horrible person, but chances are they've already been told that by enough people, some of whom had the power to actually punish them.